his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
