Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
