Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

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  (202): Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way? http://tfl.nu/rhdn
  Replies (25) Good night (2604) Bad night (529)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.

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  (502): Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face. http://tfl.nu/puwv
  Replies (30) Good night (1245) Bad night (4035)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

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  (478): you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/9omq
  Replies (12) Good night (6737) Bad night (618)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

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  (508): I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up. http://tfl.nu/8n4w
  Replies (7) Good night (836) Bad night (4751)
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  (760): View more from California

  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

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  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
  Replies (26) Good night (10765) Bad night (880)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms

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  (503): And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms http://tfl.nu/1av4
  Replies (7) Good night (2391) Bad night (761)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.

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  (228): I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me. http://tfl.nu/ndpv
  Replies (6) Good night (2388) Bad night (862)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted

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  (808): he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted http://tfl.nu/o6gq
  Replies (7) Good night (923) Bad night (1793)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.

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  (705): in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out. http://tfl.nu/um8l
  Replies (5) Good night (1896) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?

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  (360): Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot? http://tfl.nu/quvh
  Replies (22) Good night (863) Bad night (2955)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You burned the hair off your arms. Again.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It grows back stronger each time.

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  (203): You burned the hair off your arms. Again. (860): It grows back stronger each time. http://tfl.nu/ybhf
  Replies (1) Good night (767) Bad night (439)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.

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  (614): By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/y4y3
  Replies (2) Good night (275) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?

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  (503): A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong? http://tfl.nu/1dai
  Replies (10) Good night (654) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.

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  (202): So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end. http://tfl.nu/ej89
  Replies (1) Good night (358) Bad night (177)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate

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  (617): I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate http://tfl.nu/7ugk
  Replies (1) Good night (446) Bad night (745)

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