Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.

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  (503): Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now. http://tfl.nu/gxcf
  Replies (7) Good night (1299) Bad night (3016)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him

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  (305): and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him http://tfl.nu/st8n
  Replies (10) Good night (3099) Bad night (1889)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip

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  (703): drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip http://tfl.nu/b5at
  Replies (12) Good night (3102) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he confused my yawn for an orgasm

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  (201): he confused my yawn for an orgasm http://tfl.nu/lvnz
  Replies (14) Good night (1186) Bad night (6727)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  thats the international knock for joint time

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  (423): you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell (901): thats the international knock for joint time http://tfl.nu/xbry
  Replies (7) Good night (4356) Bad night (1048)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.

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  (405): Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved. http://tfl.nu/fkxo
  Replies (4) Good night (1429) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?

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  (780): I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots? http://tfl.nu/1jdo
  Replies (8) Good night (1916) Bad night (1326)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch

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  (309): I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch http://tfl.nu/5u8w
  Replies (7) Good night (688) Bad night (1324)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

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  (202): You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself. http://tfl.nu/1zzq
  Replies (11) Good night (693) Bad night (1858)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.

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  (570): I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies. http://tfl.nu/z52h
  Replies (3) Good night (919) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle

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  (301): Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle http://tfl.nu/p4yo
  Replies (2) Good night (466) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.

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  (402): He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team. (575): Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring. http://tfl.nu/j6bp
  Replies (1) Good night (902) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off

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  (480): unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off http://tfl.nu/u622
  Replies (0) Good night (351) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....

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  (610): Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something..... http://tfl.nu/e8un
  Replies (0) Good night (767) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god

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  (320): She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god http://tfl.nu/si6s
  Replies (3) Good night (1041) Bad night (465)

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