Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.

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  (310): Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist. http://tfl.nu/cj2p
  Replies (15) Good night (4182) Bad night (653)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...

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  (416): I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed... http://tfl.nu/ew3h
  Replies (18) Good night (1729) Bad night (4628)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...

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  (601): your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible... http://tfl.nu/v1vf
  Replies (33) Good night (7159) Bad night (1244)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.

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  (360): kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight. http://tfl.nu/tvlr
  Replies (5) Good night (3730) Bad night (676)
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  (631): View more from New York

  she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.

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  (631): she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever. http://tfl.nu/9adr
  Replies (21) Good night (1130) Bad night (8615)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

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  (251): Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree http://tfl.nu/cqwy
  Replies (19) Good night (5864) Bad night (1185)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.

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  (678): we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole. http://tfl.nu/qa53
  Replies (9) Good night (2730) Bad night (1074)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

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  (972): he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/boyq
  Replies (21) Good night (5926) Bad night (1660)
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  (925): View more from California

  Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard

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  (925): Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/2caa
  Replies (14) Good night (4081) Bad night (1023)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This is why Helen Keller didn't drink

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  (902): This is why Helen Keller didn't drink http://tfl.nu/wpjw
  Replies (8) Good night (998) Bad night (626)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.

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  (225): I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with. http://tfl.nu/2qkg
  Replies (4) Good night (933) Bad night (483)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.

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  (307): he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with. http://tfl.nu/pnh0
  Replies (3) Good night (740) Bad night (518)
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  (914): View more from New York

  bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house

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  (914): bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house http://tfl.nu/ryv7
  Replies (5) Good night (491) Bad night (869)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  Bringing families together since 1987

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  (360): I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis. (1-360): Bringing families together since 1987 http://tfl.nu/o9ey
  Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (375)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie

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  (320): For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie http://tfl.nu/swy2
  Replies (2) Good night (824) Bad night (351)

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