Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS