after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Be still, my beating vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?