So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.