ADVERTISEMENT

• (434): View more from Virginia

  So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970

  Fav 13 862 3309

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Fav 99 27418 1835

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.

  Fav 36 1597 3731

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.

  Fav 6 4677 1321

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

  Fav 15 4087 1028

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"

  Fav 6 2516 937

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (407): View more from Florida

  Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.

  Fav 6 2095 773

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

  Fav 1 1695 673

  share tweet
  

• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  But theres a keg here and me gusta

  Fav 6 1547 795

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.

  Fav 3 1283 788

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese

  Fav 1 601 730

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment

  Fav 3 1155 347

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work

  Fav 2 354 217

  share tweet
  

• (770): View more from Georgia

  I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that

  Fav 1 5 34

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (314): View more from Missouri

  I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.

  Fav 1 6 33

  share tweet
  

Randomize