so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
