I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
