the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
