I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
