So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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