I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
