You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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