Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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