People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pants are for mortals
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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