If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
