who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
