Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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