i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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