sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
