im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
