Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
