I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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