I think I am morally bankrupt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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