Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
