Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
