So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
