i permit you to call me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
