By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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