this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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