What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
