Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
