i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
