I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
