discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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