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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize