Yo dont text me then not text me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
