Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
