i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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