Need sex. Gaining weight.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
