Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
