ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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