so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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