So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
