That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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