So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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