Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
