Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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