My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
