At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
