Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
