he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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