He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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