the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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