bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
