i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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