She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
