it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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