I wish i was in the wii world.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
