Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
