anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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