Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize