There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
