Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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