i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
