i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
