I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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