there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
