The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
